Once again it is that time of the year for SelbySoft to make some significant changes to our software and our company.
1) All font types in SP-1 are now displayed in Comic Sans. We like it and don’t care if people make fun of us.
3) We are going to have one gift card design – We call it classic. This should make every one of our customers much happier as there is no artwork to worry about.
4) To make it easier for all our customers to reach us we are changing our phone number to 1.
5) We are going to have SP-1 directly connect to the IRS and your local department of revenue so you don’t have to do your taxes. . . Wait! That’s just a joke! Don’t panic!
6) We are rolling out two new lines of tablet technology. . . A 24″ tablet for those of you that believe bigger is better and a 2.4″ tablet for those of you that like the smaller screens.
7) MobileDash will have some new functionality. If an employee is caught slacking off it will send a high voltage shock their way. We have tested it in house and aside from a tendency to shake uncontrollably there are been no real downsides!
8) SP-1 will now shoot fireworks and sound sirens when a customer hits their reward level. We feel this will greatly enhance the rewards experience.
9) In the picture below the top left pixel will be changed – we are not saying why.
10) There is no ten – this is just a place holder so the list does not look funny.
Any questions? Hopefully you got that this is all for April Fools’!
Ok, it’s a day late . . .
Here are some of the exciting changes we are introducing to you!
1) 27 years ago we started to grow clones of our Customer Service Manager, Eric. Those clones are now of an age that we can send one to each of our customers. His only concern in life is to make sure things are going smooth at your store. We are calling this “Jargoned Operating Kernel Emulation” or J.O.K.E.
2) We are disconnecting all our phone lines for support. From now on, they will only answer questions through Facebook messaging.
3) Our system will now be based on an “app” model and only run on phones and tablets. To make this as fast as possible, there will only be ONE button allowed. It must be called FOOD/Beverage and will only accept one price. We figure this can’t get any simpler.
4) Due to environmental concerns, we will no longer print anything. We will only telepathically place orders into your staffs mind and receipts into your customers.
5) Instead of gift cards, we now have a permenant ink barcode system. Once you apply this to your customers forehead, you never have to worry about buying cards again!
6) Codes, Swipe Cards and Fingerprint are not secure enough. From now on, each person will need to voicematch a 32,768 character password before proceeding. We hope this cuts down on your employee theft.
7) In an effort to simplify your reporting and make it easy for you to deal with the IRS, all sales numbers can be changed on the fly, we won’t actually track anything.
8) To make your POS choice easy, we have contracted with the WWE to have a Battle Royale with all our competitors. Winner takes all. We are pretty sure we can take them.
9) We will be sponsoring a “Work the SelbySoft Booth” contest to get our customers to work trade shows for us. This should result in both cost cutting as well as giving Mike & the guys more time to goof off at shows.
10) We will be cutting our work week to one day. That day will be April 1st.
Happy April Fools’ Day